An evening of inspiration; of “speaking up” and “speaking out”, the 4th Annual YWCA WHYWHISPER Fundraising Gala, featuring keynote speaker Erin Brockovich, is fast approaching.
The mission of the YWCA of Calgary is to empower women in their journey, whether it is to take the steps to walk away from unhealthy relationships; finding appropriate and affordable accommodations; restoring or building self-confidence; or fostering the growth of new skills and education. The empowering of women is only possible if we collectively take on the responsibility for creating safe spaces where people who are vulnerable will feel heard when they “speak up” and “speak out” about the adversity they face.
Fostering a safe environment does not necessarily mean physical spaces or events, but rather a cultural shift in the way that we talk about and with each other on a daily basis. Family violence, sexual harassment, sexism, racism, homelessness, isolation, mental health issues and other issues create and perpetuate vulnerability. Speaking out removes the secrecy these issues thrive within and opens a door to new opportunities, new ideas and a hopeful future.
This shift facilitates an environment of respect and understanding for one another, recognizing that we need to be sensitive to each other’s experiences and the differences in our identities.
We can work towards creating this culture of empowerment and empathy for those who are struggling, by raising consciousness on some real actions that we can implement in our lives:
1. Focus on actions, not intent
If someone shares stories of difficult personal experiences with you, be aware of potential emotional triggers. Caring, support or unsolicited advice might be unwelcome.
Avoid victim-blaming statements and focus on validating experiences and emotions. It can be silencing to hear questions like, “why didn’t you speak up earlier?” or “you should have done this or that.” Instead, focus on statements like, “thank you for bravely sharing your story with me,” or “would you like to do anything about this? Would you like my help?”
We should practice respect in our listening and be supportive, checking in with how the other is feeling and allow them to decide what they would like to do, or not do.
2. Respect boundaries and confidentiality
In practicing respectful listening, be mindful of quieter people and provide the space for them to be involved in the conversation. Cultural backgrounds and personality will affect boundaries and how comfortable individuals are in talking about personal experiences. Keep these in mind and don’t push others to explain themselves or to go into more detail as they might find this offensive or intruding.
3. Refrain from making assumptions about someone’s identity
Every individual deserves the right to be respected in their identity and experiences. Avoid speculating or making assumptions about a person’s identity based on gender roles, sexual orientation, ethnic background, experiences with violence, etc. It can be silencing when a person is feeling their experiences do not fit within the framework of a certain expectations or norms. For example, framing family violence as a situation where men are aggressors and women are victims disregards that abuse might occur in same-sex relationships. Instead, we can recall that violence sadly does not discriminate and be supportive if someone shares an unconventional story of abuse.
This cultural shift of speaking to each other with compassion and understanding will foster public consciousness that every one of us deserves, without judgment or assumptions. As much as we pour our effort into empowering women who are vulnerable to “speak up” and “speak out,” the onus is just as much on us to listen carefully with validation and support.
