Social media gives birth to many trends, from the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge to planking, but one of the most alarming recent trends is #RelationshipGoals and its reference to the new movie, Suicide Squad. The hashtag and the posts that followed idealized a relationship that in no uncertain terms is physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive.
For those who may not know the comic book derived backstory of Harley Quinn and the Joker, Harley Quinn is the Joker’s psychiatrist who was emotionally and psychologically manipulated by the Joker. The Joker manipulated Harley to ensure she fell for him and in turn, she became dependent on his abuse.
In the Suicide Squad, Harley and the Joker are presented as criminal soulmates and purported equals in the relationship. However, the relationship is anything but equal with the Joker routinely engaging in tactics that maintain his control over Harley and their relationship. The Joker manipulates Harley’s feelings for him; he treats Harley as a possession instead of a person, and he physically abuses her. The Joker’s abuse tactics are representative of the way real people abuse their partners in relationships, sometimes so subtly that the partner does not realize they are being abused.
Emotional abuse can be insidious and subtle filled with verbal offence, threats, bullying, constant criticism, intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and subjugate the other person. Physical abuse is much more evident, usually leaving a physical injury on the person being abused.
If Harley were a real person, those closest to her would be working to remove Harley from the emotional and physical abuse she is experiencing and get her to safety.
There is nothing romantic about the Joker’s treatment of Harley, nor should the relationship be considered aspirational. Harley is subject to terrible treatment that many real women experience from their partners. Characterizing the relationship as #goals ostracizes and belittles the experiences of survivors by glorifying an unhealthy and damaging relationship.
Films and television too often normalize domestic abuse by promoting relationships as passionate instead of cruel. Romanticizing these dynamics sends damaging messages to young women and men.
At YW Calgary, we celebrate equitable relationships founded on respect and trust, kind words, sincere emotions and open sharing. These are our #relationshipgoals – what are yours?
